Week 51 post op RNY

This has been a wild year of changes for me. A year ago I started my preop diet on the 16th with hopes of making my liver less fatty so the doctor would not refuse me for surgery. 

At the time I thought that I would live a life without worrying about food choices because I couldn't eat anything anyways. Now I know that every day I worry more about food than I ever did in the past. This is a good thing in a weird way. I no longer take it that on a trip we can just hit a restruaunt, I have to look at the menu as much as I can and determine if I can eat there. I need to remember to pack my food, always carry nuts, a protein bar or jerky in my purse. I don't leave home without a beverage. I meal plan and only cook 2x a week now instead of daily like before. I eat different from my husband  but because it is only the two of us, this is not a big deal. 

I think the hardest part of the last year has been meals with our kids. They are completely understanding in my new choices, but because they are not here everyday, I think they forget. When going out to eat, I will ask that a bread basket not be brought to our table if it is just Sarge and I. We have eliminated gluten from our diet. It doesn't Agee with Tazzy and Sarge is happier without it. Our kids and grands however, do eat bread, pasta, pizza, and such. I have found that Mexican food restruaunt is an easy place for all of us to turn to instead of a steakhouse or Italian restruaunt. 

The main thing I have learn in the last year is that the doctor fixed my tummy, not my head. This is a massive mind fuck on learning how and when to eat again. Is it real hunger (I have not had this yet) or is it head hunger? Real hunger is when you feel empty, low on gas, possibly get the shakes. You will eat anything just to get fuel for your body. I eat by the clock about every 3 hours getting in at least 15g protein. I don't let myself get "hungry". Head hunger on the other hand is real. It is when you smell popcorn, when the snacks you bought (even healthy ones) call out to you. I have learned I cannot have certain things in the house , they are outside treats. 

Popcorn, to be enjoyed when we go to the movies or when we plan a movie night. 

Mock cheesecake, only allowed on special occasions and only one serving. 

Wonton pizza, once a month on pizza night. 

Fruit, must eat protein with it. 

This year has not only been about food though. It has been about reflecting on me and my choices. I still say I was not a food addict, I was more obsessed. I turned to food in times of all emotions. Happy, I celebrated with food, sad, I cried with food, angry, I cooked food. I have had to learn how to deal with emotions without food. Food is a fuel, nothing more. I do see that I still try to feed my family. I can't have....fill in the blank, but I can't deny them, so I buy it, they eat it, I'm happy...this is not healthy and I am working on it. 

I am learning we eat to live not live to eat.