I woke up this morning with a clear head. My first thought was that I have become the worst thing I could imagine, a Dependasaurus.
What is that you ask? Well that is what the spouse of a deployed soldier that needs that other person to function is called. I have become dependent. I wait for the email at night or look first thing in the morning to see if they are online. I need to talk over stuff with him in order to make a decision. When I don't get to talk with him, I do nothing. Not a good way to live, but that has been what the last 2 months has been like here. PJ days are too easy to have and my house has become a shambles because of it. As I had my coffee this morning, I took a long look at my house, my actions and my life and just did not like what I saw. I have become the opposite of out of control. I have become lazy and uncaring about the house, my appearance and have a lack of wanting to really do anything.
I guess the first step is admitting you have become a Dependasaurus, now how do I shed my scales and become independasaurus?
Last week, I was sent a swap package and in that package were some To do Lists. I have listed the large and small tasks from the house down. I am giving myself a month to get the house and hopefully myself, whipped into shape. I have papers that need to be gone through, clutter that needs to be eliminated and cleaning that has to be done. I need to get up every morning, get dressed (yes that has become a problem) and get busy. I need to take pride in having a clean house and having an organized life. I know there will be days that I will be able to talk to sarge, but I need to do more than just function on days I am not able to.
After I have cleaned the house to my fullest, I want to hire a steam cleaning company to come do the floors and maybe Merry Maids to give the house a deep clean.
I need to do more than survive while Sarge is gone, I need to live. I need to show him that the reason he is overseas is so that we can live normal happy lives and me falling into the not normal range is not what he needs to hear about. I will try to post my progress of the descaling. 
4 comments:
Great post, Coggie... I can't really imagine what deployment life is like, but glad you've been able to 'step back' even in the midst of what you're going through. Sending encouraging vibes your way...
As cheesy as it sounds it really is true that the first step is admitting there is a problem. I know that once you put your mind to it you will get everything y ou want to done. Hugs!
Awww...I'm so sorry. I know that you have such a wonderful relationship with Sarge that you want to hibernate when he's not there. I'm saying a prayer for you.
Although it is good to give yourself a pep talk and "whip things into shape", don't be so hard on yourself. You posted about a dye day, a visit, TdF, and recorded a podcast. Not bad progress for someone who says she's barely functioning. Keep up the good work!
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