14 November, 2015

A necessary vent

I do love my friends and try not to upset them, I guess a few do not have the same feeling towards me. I have talked about letting go and taking the negative out of my life. A few things have been bothering me and I am using this space to talk about it. 
When did friendship become a competition? 
I am a bit confused. I am not the type of friend who is in competition with anyone I know. If playing a game, I will compete but in life, we are all equals and each just trying to survive the best way we know how. 
I did not have gastric bypass because I wanted to lose more weight than you on a diet. I had gastric bypass because I was morbidly obese and was losing the will to live. I found a spark and now want to live again. I am proud to be your friend, I will support you in your endeavor to exercise and lose weight as well, but please do not compete with me. I am out of the race. I do what I have to do for me. I do not feel that I have to exercise 8x a day in order to get fit. My doctor has me on a balance of exercise and healthy eating that is exactly what I need. If you are not my doctor or my husband, please do not advise me on what I should be doing.  Yes, this has upset me and I know I would blow my top if I actually told you this in person. 
Another thing-
A different friend- 
When did friendship become tit for tat? 
Friends do not keep track of who called last or who paid for the last cup of coffee you shared. In the last 5 years, my health went down hill and I have begun to slowly crawl out of the 6ft deep hole I had been digging. When I see you in public and say we should get together, telling me I stood you up is not the answer I expected. Why did I not show up? Was I going through something that you were too self absorbed to notice? No, a real friend says sure, would Thursday for coffee work for you? 
Maybe I am old school, but I don't think there is a time limit on a friend date and we should just be thankful we have someone we can call a friend. 

5 comments:

Katie O said...

Terrible coggie.... Good riddance to them! Hugs from me

WonderWhyGal said...

You are doing great and taking care of your health. It's not an easy way out and you are having to change your whole life. No easy fix. You are going to be healthier and happier for yourself and your family. Good for you taking this step.

As for toxic friends? I had to break away from a few and it hurt something fierce but in the end, I was a happier person for removing the negativity.

Coggie, you are an amazing woman with a good heart. Don't let the negativity get you down. Hugs

Angela Jenkins said...

Oh, KaRi! I'm so sorry you've been hurt, but I know that feeling. Don't let it get you down. So many people are rooting for you and are inspired by your journey. My weight has begun to impact my health and my depression was only compounded by this, or vice versa. Your story has made me get off my butt and exercise and to keep chocolate out of my mouth. If you can endure what you have, then I certainly can do what I need to do.

Keep up the good work.

Mindy said...

I don't understand women friendships. They are so hard. Why do they have to be so competitive? I totally get what you are saying and have experienced too many of the same situations/conversations myself. Good for you on taking this step FOR YOU!

Kathy said...

Sometimes life gives us opportunities to rethink things. Is this truly a friend, or someone that that crossed our path at at needy time? A friend by definition does not sound like what you are describing. Even family does not always make for good friends. Comes a time when we need to be selfish and retrospective and this is YOUR TIME. Your true friends will show themselves when you need them most - not when its convenient for them or to their benefit - they don't keep score. You need to drop this "baggage" literally and figuratively. If this person is not in your camp, take note and move on. You are on a mission - let nothing or no one stop you! Always take a lesson as you move on - this person feels challenged that you will success and deep down would like to keep you as you were. Step aside and keep reaching high!