06 December, 2009

St Nicholas Shoes

Today is the sixth day of of the advent calendar and the first Holy day of the season, St. Nicholas day. Around the world people who celebrate this holiday are waking up to find their shoes filled with goodies.
Today my shoes are metaphorical, They are the shoes I need to put on to better myself. I have been in a funk this holiday season that I think I am emerging from. I am going to give myself a present today that I hope lasts longer than this season. I am putting an end to the drama in my life. I am not a drama queen, I have always said I don't watch soaps as I have enough in my own life to keep me busy. Lately, it seems I have been sucked into drama left and right. I have to say, and I am not happy about it, that some of that drama was even created by me. I am done. I am not happy and I need to stop the insanity before I lose control of me.
My daughter made a comment yesterday that I had developed a case of "foot in mouth disease". This is where you talk without thinking. Open mouth-insert foot. After she made this comment, I took the time to think about what has been happening in my life and how I have been reacting to these things. I also thought of how I need to change in order to stop the drama.
First- I need to be more positive.
This means I need to stop complaining. Garbage in-garbage out is not a good way to live. I have been working on my body with adding exercise and trying to eat right, now I need to work on my attitude and output a more positive me.
Second- Feel the reason for the season.
I am not a deeply religious person. However, I know that the reason for this Holiday season is to honor the birth of Christ. We have traditions in my family that we do every year. I think this year we just need to get back to basics and celebrate Christ and all his life gave us.
Third- Apologize
I have had to apologize over the years for lots of little things. This time I am apologizing to the majority of people I know, in person and on the net. There are no excuses for the last couple of months and the way I have acted. I could say that I was reacting to circumstances beyond my control, but truly, I have to accept responsibility for my own actions and say I am sorry. I am not the downer I have become and I hope to change for the better.
Fourth- Be a better friend
Friendship and laughter are important to me. I have truly forgotten what has to be done to be a friend . I need that brought back into my life. By getting rid of the drama, I hope the laughter will return. I have been so caught up in my life that I have forgotten that others have their own problems. I do not need to go on and on about what I have done, if you have been at the receiving end of this, you know what I am talking about. I am stopping today. I will try to listen more, talk less and just enjoy our time together instead.
Fifth- Take the foot out of my mouth and put it firmly on the ground.
I need to think before I blurt. I have been blaming my rudeness on lots of items, but frankly, it is just rudeness. I am not the person I have become. I need to start walking the walk I want instead of taking the easy route. If you felt the lash of my tongue, I am sorry. If I have been rude, I am sorry. All I can do is move on from here.

I needed this get away with my husband. It allowed me the time I needed to see where my life was going.
Happy St. Nicholas Day to all who celebrate.

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